It's 1 AM and I found myself crying on the things and sacrifices that my parents have ever given to me since I was a child. All the choices they had to not work as hard to raise me. All the unfortunate events that came along our way and shakes us and brings the worst of the family. Writing is always my way out of things and I choose to write this article. I hope you can learn something from it.
Prologue
When you were born, you made two person the happiest day of their life. When you're on kindergarten, you made two person the most exciting feeling they could have. They would spend all of the time in the world just to see you grow and outlive them as a great person as you potentially can be. Even the world turns against you those two people won't, those people stand beside you the day you first learned to walk to every remarkable milestones you achieve in life. They stood patiently and supportively to see you develop as a person. They would do anything in their life to proof that you are capable to conquer the world and live the happiest life you can achieve.
They would never ask anything in return. Not even a fraction of what they've done to help you become the person that you always wanted to be. They would never. They even choose to be bothered if you ask them. There's nothing more angelic than that. If you want to hear something more compassionate and symbolic on such things let me tell you a story.
Primary School
My mom started selling chocolates when I was in primary school. It was delicious and I don't really think about it as much. I don't live in a big house, so I notice things pretty easily if anything were to happen in the household. Some day, Mom started to sell mukenah and there were containers upon containers on my bedroom for it. Mom explained that mom's retailing those mukenah, mom wants to sell the mukenah at a different price so she could gain something for it. I didn't really think much of it, what I do care is it makes my bed room less comfortable. Some day, I notice my mom started selling ice mambo yoghurt, I didn't really ask because I already know the answer. The other day, I saw my mom started selling puddings. The puddings were really great, I think that was my favorite thing that mom sells, too bad mom no longer made it because it took too much time and not much people weren't buying it.
Somehow mom manages to have her own stand in my primary school canteen. It was great but mom became really busy with it, compared to when mom doesn't have it. Mom also becomes more prone to stressful situations and be angry on some occasions. I thought it must be pretty normal when you're starting a business.
Junior High school
I used to have private tutoring in primary school, mainly because my grades aren't good enough. Mom is pretty anxious about me and how I would excel academically to junior high school (JHS). Thanks to many private tutors and my hardwork I was able to enter the notably, one of the best junior high school in my country. It was great and the people were nice. The funny thing is I still remember that the first day on that school is the day my Mom decides to change my nickname from Rafi to Amjad. So people started calling me Amjad instead of my primary school nickname, Rafi. I had a lot of self consciousness when I entered JHS, I'm really interested into leading a group of people as I believe in a population is inevitable have communities and alpha males. So I spend my time wisely to understand certain characteristics that made people likeable and try to rule teenagers on my JHS. Yeah, I was really weird. I literally focused on a really different thing to what my mom hopes me to.
I never really willingly to spare my time to study for my grades, I don't really care if my grades are failing. But my mom do. And oh mom really do care. She drags me to the whole private tutoring again, I'm not happy about it, I feel that is torture. Nevertheless, there's still a little bit in me that have a willingness to study so I gave in and study. But only when there's private tutoring... So in exam weeks, there used to be a lot of teachers came into my house, I remember that I could have 4 study sessions in a day and these tutors are not cheap... I don't really care much about it, the only things that I care in JHS are social dominance, football, and girlfriend. There's also a gag on JHS that I was well known in JHS for causing troubles. Well in JHS, being called by your school principal was an achievement! It shows how cool you are! JHS is the best!
You could say at this point that I'm really blind. At the same time there were a lot of turmoils in my house. Some of it came from insufficiency of continuing to pay higshcool... A little bit of context, I was in a private school, with my other 2 brothers. We are only a year different and I'm the middle kid. There's a time where in a year, the three of us in the same JHS. Kinda cool isn't it? Well not really for my parents economy.... Topping on the three of us also has private tutoring in that JHS. The JHS is actually relatively competitive and I'm not doing great about it. I'm always the 5 last on class on every semester, every year. Somehow I still convinced my mom that there's at least some people behind me. Considering that I took private tutors and they don't I should've keep my argument for myself.
On my 2nd year on JHS, my mom manages to have her own stand on the canteen. I regularly helped her restock her supply. Oh god I still remember coming to that place at night. I still remember some of my friends were unironically making fun of me about it. Oh there's also this one fucking asshole, that made fun of my mom for always wearing the same dress everyday. I mean, he wasn't really making fun of it he was just pointing it out and it's true. My mom has really limited amount of dress and all of my friends on JHS knew. Too bad the symbolism hasn't really picked me off yet. The other sad thing about mom is she has this worn out sandals that she still uses because she said she liked it but the sandals sole's are already too thin and she occasionally slipped with it. When being asked about it, she always say that she doesn't have any money to buy a new one.
Tipping Point
Over time I realize that I have took everything that mom does for granted. I missed the obvious even though it always in front of my eyes staring back at me. The days where mom cries in distress on how she was running out of her life savings just for me to continue study in JHS. The days where me and my brothers can no longer take it on mom screaming at us and decided to leave the house. I can't believe how hard must've been for her at that time when we were gone at that time. I know that was a ridiculously stupid decision. Somehow mother never gave up on us. Even though we never seem like a promising of an investment to put any effort on she still works hard, harder than how she ever should.
My dad used to work at IBM, a multinational technology and consulting company, his job actually pays pretty well, but his head is not well enough to convince him not to wear a string of raffia as a belt to go to work. The worst part is I only realize it when it was his last day working at IBM. Dad arrives at house with a frown and mom greeted him. He sat beside me and shares on how much he will miss working at IBM. He told me the bus trip he took from his workplace, knowing that'll be the last bus trip he'll ever take to come home from work after 30 years working at IBM. Slowly but surely his voice starts breaking and he decides to go to his room and wearing off his pants in the process and that's when I realized he uses strings of raffia to go to work.
It was around 19:00 and I prepare myself to go to the masjid to pray and while walking I couldn't contain myself and cry on realizing that my dad had just broke down beside me knowing he has spent all of his working age and is now retired with huge amount of self regenerating debt, possibly because of me and my brothers. Now my dad does freelance and sometimes help my mom food and beverage business to keep the roof above our heads in which ironically is technically still in debt...
It reminds me on how my dad also used to take side projects when working causing him to be so busy that he goes home at 11 or even 12. He's most often busy so I didn't get much to talk to him about my day to day activites because sometimes he's too busy to listen and doesn't really reply to my stories...
Both of my parents are now at their 50s and they still work amazingly and concerningly hard as what I observed. My mom sometimes still sleeps at 3 regarding the doctors note for her to take more rests...
Altruism, Love, and Compassion
An hour ago before I decided to write this article, I was crying on an awful realization that is too personal to tell. Mostly sorrow... I'm surprised on how strong their dedication is to raise me and to have a hope that I somehow become a great person that they always wish to be. They really took it to the extreme and dedicate their life into it, they work hard for me into some extent they spend their whole life convincing that is the right thing to do. Even when I turned my back against them. They always have hope towards me.
They have spent their wealth, their time, and ever their health for me. It's too altruistic to even see and believe. Because sometimes a soft gesture of love is too subtle to see and to be appreciated.
The love and compassion that they have given to me. Is something that I will remember for a life time and the core principle of life that they have is inherited to me. They never put theirselves first. They know that the world does not resolves around them and they know that they are temporary but the contribution, hard work, generosity, love, and compassion can lasts on other people lives. Even when you're no longer there to see the people you helped developed to become a great person that you always believe them to be.
